Just got back from a long weekend at a friends cabin by a lake a few hours away from the city. The boy and I went with a girl friend and her 2 boys, and it was lovely. The weather was hot(above 30degC every day)and I have to admit i missed the air conditioning on a night,as it's now getting harder and harder to get comfortable in bed..and get in and out too! WE had a blast and were totally spoiled by my friend Deenna, who is the hostess with the mostess! My appetite is quite scary and I have put on 36lb, so when someone offers to feed and cook great food for me, I am thrilled!
This however, is my last journey outside of the city till the girls are born, as I found out my hospital schedule at my Dr's appointment last Wednesday. I am to go into the hospital for monitoring on August 20th and am scheduled for a c-section on September 18th! YIKES! It's close! The appointment went well, and the Dr estimated their weights as 1lb 6oz & 1lb 10oz, so all the food is working!!
BD stayed home and hung out with friends, our relationship is getting tense, as i am in nesting mode and he is in denile. I am concerned about finances, lack of family support and help when i get out of hospital and after the babies come home ( my family is in the UK and his live over 2hours away), missing home when I go into hospital for weeks and I am also still worried about having to have an emergency c-section if anything goes wrong!
BD lives in the NOW and is not looking or thinking about the future at all it seems,which frustrates the heck out of me. I am more emotional than normal, and have to admit I am taking it personally. It's not like he has changed, he has always been like this ( and most of the time it has been something i have accepted and hasn't bothered me) but right now I can't stand it and need him to wake up and realise I am justified in being concerned about things..we need to both be ready for this, as life is going to change for ever when we become parents of 3!
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Oh boy, does life ever change. I remember feeling so adrift before I went inpatient. I was worried about EVERYTHING and the uncertainty almost killed me. Have you talked to your husband about how things will go once you go inpatient? Will he visit often? What sort of schedule will the 3 of you make? Talking about it in those terms might help? Do you have a non family support group that can help you once the babies are born? I had two friends that visited me every week in the hospital and then when the babies came home they brought me dinner at least 5 times. Those little acts of service were really helpful.....wish I was more help.
I guess people react differently to "the unknown/the future" and perhaps your husband's reaction is equally as justified as yours. Some people are just like that - things don't hit home until they are in the middle of it all and living it. Maybe that's his defense mechanism for coping with the uncertainty and the changes that will occur. Of course it doesn't help, but you can't blame someone for feeling the way they do. It's tough, scary even, but that's why you're a couple. You compensate each other, and it's no different now. Where he is lacking you'll be the missing piece and vice versa. Maybe you can be the "leader" and the one to think about and decide on what to do(with his input too) since it comes more naturally to you, and he can be the one to physically carry out the actual things to organise. Perhaps he just needs some direction in this time, and you can help give it to him. Feeling lost and scared is terrible, annoying even like you say, but it is nonetheless how your BD feels, and that's "his" way of reacting. When the girls finally arrive, it will all be more tangible and that's probably when BD will get into the "taking care of things" mode. Everyone has their time, their feelings and their way of handling it all, so don't take it personally. Communicate and maybe once you both voice your concerns/fears it will be easier. In the meantime, less worry and more rest for you slw. In this case at least, the "now" is very important (just as important as the future). You need you and your girls to be healthy NOW for September 18th and that means trying to stay as stress free as possible. It will come and you will manage just like always, however daunting it seems now. The hormone God has taken over you for now so your emotions are justified, but he'll bugger off soon enough. Oh and more importantly, congratulations on the girls doing so well; that's super news! Now go.... nest and rest you some more!
Been reading your postings whenever I get the chance. Hang in there Sweetheart. You are made of strong stuff. Thinking of you.
Sue & Abbey xx
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