bimey..is it that long since we chatted?

So a lovely childhoood friend stumbled upon my blog today.... and reminded me that it actually existed....so obviously I re read the past and it prompted me to come back on and update my virtual life record.
Life is GOOD...my children are sometime the biggest problems and hinderance to my getting through the day in one piece..mentally that is...but on the other hand they are the solutions, promises and the gate way to the future I have always dreamed of. I am lucky enough to have a great career,wonderful friends that are always there as mentors, partners in crime and hug blankets in life..no matter how near or far they may be....and I have spent the last 15 months in the arms of a wonderful man that I adore on every level.
I still have challenges..my ex wants to get every penny he can from me to fund his new life with the girl ( now fiance) he met in rehab...but eventually justice will prevail and I can move on legally with our life....regardless we will be FINE..more than fine,I will encourage my kids to seek out the extraordinary...because boring..is generally , well predictably..boring.
Being a mum of 1 + twins thus far has bordered on traumatic...I am expecting the scales to tip more the other way each year that passes ..and look forward to having deep laugh lines in my old age.

New beginnings

So much has transpired over the last 11 months it's hard to know even where to begin...
The girls are healthy, happy little princess's. Esme is crawling around and Eden is mad that she's not they have 12 teeth between them, and love their food..I am truly blessed to have 3 such wonderful children.

I am a single mother of 3, as I left BD in May..he fell into Drug addiction and offered me no choice but to end our life as a family together. Hard is not the word for the times i have experienced lately, but every time I look in my childrens eyes I get strength that fills me completely. I am hopeful for our future, and hope BD battles his demons to become a great Father in the future...but I will never forgive his actions only be there as a friend and co-parent for our children..he has moved to British Colombia to start his new, sober life , and I wish him luck.

So here I am in a strange land, in a position I never thought I would ever be in. Thankfully I have wonderful friends around me, a great career and perhaps, just perhaps a brighter, better future than I ever imagined.....I never thought this is how my story would end when I started this blog...how bizarre life is indeed.

OOOOO twins!!!

Phew..this is some test! Changing, feeding, burping, washing, eating, sleeping ( and not always in that order)Twins sure are hard work, I am sick of getting peed on and sicked up on!

The ladies are 8 weeks old and packing on the pounds (Eden is 6lb9 and Esme 6lb8 at the weigh in last Friday) and my boobs are feeling the pressure! I had NO problems feeding 1 baby when I had my son, but I am constantly playing catchup with 2 and have decided not to beat myself up and am starting to 'top' them up with formula if need be to stop the constant demands for food..so I can sleep some. Don't get me wrong I like the 'full breast' thing..but I prefer having some time to 'do stuff; round the house, and get at least 3-4 hours solid sleep into my schedule too.

The really wierd thing is the 'SEMI celebrity status' we have achieved just by procreating 2 babies at once...I can't walk 10meters without someone stopping me..OOOOOOO twins!!! I am thinking about getting a T-shirt that answers all the questions......YES THEY ARE TWINS..2 GIRLS...YES THEY ARE IDENTICAL...YES THEY ARE SMALL THEY WERE PREMATURE...NO THEY WEREN"T THROUGH FERTILITY TREATMENT.....honestly!

Have had some friends round a few times and try to get out ( just to the store) at least 1/day..but beyond that I am pretty much house bound and beholden to these eating/pooping machines that I love dearly. My boy Dylan is SO great and helps Mamma out as much as he can..but I think he is feeling the pressure as today he disappeared down stairs with our room mate Jill ( his 21 year old girlfriend) and skipped back up in his underwear covered in make up..obviously too many female hormones in the house..BD was disgusted when he came home from work...thinks I am turning Dylan gay! I just laughed.

Days just melt into each other and I am just looking forward to my folks coming for Xmas, as I have to admit I miss my Mum...can't wait to see her and Dad with their new grandchildren!

Have posted the most recent pics for your pleasure and will try to keep the updates coming.

The Girls are home!!!

This is going to be a really brief post, seems my life is not my own any more..I even have to schedule my toilet breaks these days!!
I am writing this whilst breast feeding Esme,Eden is squeaking at me from her car seat next to me and my boy is asking for a snack. Thank god I can multi-task with the best of them!
The NICU journey lasted 25days, it is a time I both want to cherish and forget,and the girls never looked back from day 1..I am in awe at the strength of these little ladies and also at the dedication, care and support the NICU staff who looked after our precious girls..now the fun truely begins.
They arrived home on Sat 13th, and I got quite emotional leaving the NICU ..must be geting soft in my old age..all 5 of us squeezed into my little Dodge Caliber and our son Dylan sat in between his new sisters looking proud and shocked at the same time..come to think of it BD had the same look on his face..bless..it was so nice to arrive home as a family complete at last.
Sat day and night was fine and they only woke 1 in the night to feed at 3am, then again at 7am just as I hoped things were going to plan..I went back to sleep and woke gain at 9am feeling funny, as Sunday progressed I felt steadily worse, aches, fever,shivers and headache and spent most of the afternoon and all evening in bed just waking up to feed the girls. Let me tell you , you do not want to be sick with twins...Sunday night was hell,as the girls were waking up every 1-2hours to feed, I tried everything else and was still feeling awful, my boobs hurt and I was dizzy. I sent BD to the spare room to sleep as he had work on Monday (and to be honest he was irritating me asking what was wrong with them). By 5am and practically no sleep I was in tears and ready to take them back to the hospital and drop them off in cardboard box with a note saying I wasn't ready and had changed my mind, when they finally fell asleep for a few hours. Monday morning I phoned and spoke to a nurse friend of mine she diagnosed me ( correctly as it turned out today after seeing my Dr)as suffering from mastitis..hurrah..another problem in this wonderful gestation saga! I am now on a 10 day course of anti biotics and feeling a whole lot better already ( they also slept good last night which helped alot).

Well thats all for now...told you NEVER boring!!


Oh I couldn't resist the picture of the boy in his haloween outfit..ha, ha!

Phew!!! The worst is over! Welcome to the world..Part 1

Is it really 8 days since the girls were born!!! WHAT A WEEK!
Firstly let me say..ANYONE that has an elective C-section must be NUTS!Jesus it HURTS, give me a V-Jay-jay delivery any day!
As you know my c-section was planned ( apparantly emergency ones are worse) and I have to say it was a very strange experience. The spinal block was fine and worked quicky and effectively, before I knew it my legs were numb, and I was laid back on the table in my gown..which was promptly lifted up exposing my nether regions and fat thighs to the ridiculous number of staff ( 25!!) in the Operating Theater and clipped in front of me, masking my view. Unfortunately it did not mask the smell of my burning flesh as they started the procedure..this together with my low blood pressure promptly made me feel sick, and I started gagging into a dish (kindly laid by my head by the chatty, friendly male anethatist)until they administered some anti-sickness drug through the IV that worked a treat ( now if only they could sell this stuff for hangovers I need not suffer ever again!). BD & his Mum came in all gowned up..for a minute I fantasised he was a Dr as he looked really McSteamy in the scrubs and paper hat (I could see his Mum felt the same way). I couldn't believe how quickly my Dr said those immortal lines that I have heard on TV's Baby Story so many times ...." You are going to feel alot of pressure now as we get the babies out" . Eden Olivia entered the world at 8:47am & Esme Grace entered the world feet first at 8:48am after some untangling of the cords. Both cried like kittens, which brought tears of joy to our eyes, and the teams got to work assessing them as the Dr's cut my tubes and started sewing me up.
Eden was 4lb and Esme 4lb 6oz, and I was thrilled when they brought Eden over to us so I could have a brief hold of her..I really wasn't expecting that. Esme was having breathing difficulties so they whisked her away in an isolette, stopping briefly so we could see her. Both beautiful, tiny, BLACK haired ( thats why I had so much heartburn!)princess's.

After being sewn up, cleaned up, and some painkillers shoved up my bum I was placed in recovery till the morphine wore off enough so I could wiggle my toes. After that I was wheeled down to the post-partum maternity ward and placed in a private room. BD, Mother in law and Father in law came down with me. A liason nurse from the NICU kept us up to date witht he girls progress down stairs and after an hour or so said that they had both been place on ventilators and were being given surfactant to help their lungs cope. I couldn't keep my eyes open and sent the family home for some rest as I fell into an uncomfortable sleep. Over the next few hours I woke up with a big case of the shivers, and started to feel like I had been cut open. Do you realise that every move you make, cough or sneeze affects your bodies core area...well I do now..eventually at 4pm I decided i should take the first walk to clean up in the bathroom ( I had a catheta, which stayed in for 18 hours, but I still had pads etc..to change from the blood), although the actual distance was about 8ft it may as well hqve been a bloody marathon..it was agony walking and I was bent over , having hot sweats and having to stop every step to compose myself and force myself onward. Truely, people that choose this method of birth for cosmetic reasons must be CRAZY! ( or they get more morphine and pain relief than I got!!!).Luckily that was as bad as it got and everything has been better since then!

At around 4.30pm the family came back ( with DC too..which was wonderful..he had to check that the DR's had taken the babies out of Mummys belly), and I got into a wheelchair as we organised our 1st trip to the NICU to see the girls. Off we went with my 'bag of wee'riding on the side of the wheelchair ( My mother in law looked down and said " you look dehydrated" ..nice, I would have laughed but I knew it would hurt too much).
Seeing the girls wasn't as scary as i thought it was going to be, yes they were hooked up to lots of machines and had the vetilators hlping them breathe, but I was told they were doing OK and we knew that they were in the best possible care, so after a brief visit and some pics we let them rest, and headed back up stairs and I went back to sleep.

The next few days were a bit of a blur of sleeping, NICU visits, attempting to pump milk every 4 hours, and slowly the pain got more and more bearable;although nothing they give you really stops it except the Morphine; Naproxen every 8 hours was the next best thing combined with Tylenol 3's every 4hours, and by the 3rd day I was able to walk down to the NICU ( very slowly) by myself. As ALWAYS lately, they found out that I had a further complication of anemia, so I was put on iron tablets to sort that out. The girls were progressing nicely and Eden ( the smallest) was taken off her Ventilator on the 2nd day, Esme still struggled a little but was eventually taken off the hers on day 3. RELIEF! The first major hurdle was over, and when I was sent home on day 4 ( a day early due to me doing well and a baby explosion in Saskatoon so they needed the room) my milk had come in, the pain was much more managable, the girls were progressing nicely and I got to sleep in my own bed again after 5 weeks of hospital beds..HEAVEN!!!!!! I stayed there waking only to pump for 15 hours!

Well thats all for now, I will get you up to date tomorrow, but it's late and I'm tired and my wonderful, big, soft, lovely bed is calling my name!

One big Mamma!

It’s the 23rd day of my incarceration and the days are passing really quickly
(surprisingly!) ..only 6 days to go till the lady bumps arrive! This time next week I’ll be mother of 3!!YIKES! On Mondays Ultra Sound the estimated weight of the girls were 4lbs & 4lb 6oz……!!! Wow, no wonder I’m a big mamma with a pregnant ‘waddle’. My son weighed 7lb 8oz when he was born (39 weeks 5days), and here I am at 31 weeks with 8lb 6oz of baby in my belly! HOW do women go full term with twins????????????
All the NST’s and daily monitoring is going really well, and the twins are doing everything that ridiculously healthy, happy babies should be doing. That in itself is a really bitter sweet feeling, as it seems such a shame to pull them out of the womb where they are thriving, and put them in NICU where they will be separated from each other and from me..where they will be pricked with needles, hurt with tubes and prodded by Drs and nurses. ..that’s the curse of this condition I guess..one minute it’s all going well, then the next they could be gone….and there are TOO many stories of parents deciding to extend beyond the 32 weeks because they are dong so well, only to lose 1 or both before the new due date due to sudden and deadly cord compressions.

On a brighter note BD is actually starting to realize the end is in sight and we are getting on very well at the moment…he even MADE supper for me on Monday, ‘mans favorite’ Spaghetti Bolognaise ( his signature dish)and it was a welcome change from the hospital diet.
I can’t help but wonder about how the house is looking in my absence, with foresight I have arranged for cleaners to come in and deep clean the house before I get home…so I am expecting a phone call to tell us we have been burgled when they survey the mess!
It sounds like BD and the boy have been living a real bachelor existence filled with junk food, video games, poor personal hygiene, late nights and bed sharing (which is very naughty as DC hardly ever gets to sleep in our bed, I have seen too many issues in families that encourage this)..in fact BD told me the other day that he had neglected the front lawn and had allowed it to grow so long that the NEIGHBOUR cut the grass on Sunday without telling BD! I had to laugh, but it’s a bloody good thing I am not in here for longer, lord knows how far back BD would have slipped on the evolutionary scale (thinking caveman status).

My room mate that snored was here for quite a while but her waters broke Sunday night so she went for a C-section on Monday, since then I have had 2 ladies in for inductions ( latest one just arrived) ….thank god for the ear plugs, as no offence, I am sick of hearing the moans and groans of women going into labor next to me, and having husbands & family members in the room all day and night ( the room is cramped as it is)… it really makes me realize that I am definitely done with childbirth for good after this..sterilization here I come!

I’ll try to get in one more blog before the big day….keep those fingers FIRMLY crossed for us!

And the saga continues

Week 2 of my incarceration is going by surprisingly quickly, have had a few visitors already which is great, and they are being quite inventive with the gifts they are bestowing on me ( as their obvious 1st choice would have been pizza, goodies and chocolate which is now banned in my diabetic presence) , I have received some lovely gladioli, magazines, books, puzzle books, a balloon on a stick and a cuddly toy so far, as well as more offers to ‘break me out’ for lunch ( which I have obviously accepted!) . I should really appreciate this time, as it’s all about ME….as I am aware that as soon as the lady bumps arrive I will be forgotten ..for ever!

For anyone that does not have children, or is in the process of deciding whether they want children I would suggest you never visit anyone on an ante-partum ward..it really could put you off for life! There are women here who are suffering from acute ‘morning sickness’ where they have been hospitalized for their own safety due to the fact that they are vomiting constantly and are hooked up to IV’s to hydrate them, so I hear loud retching sounds at all hours. Other ladies are on permanent bed rest (can’t even get up to shower or pee) because their membranes have ruptured, or they are bleeding. However the majority of the women are here for inductions, so there is a lot of comings and goings…I was quite surprised how many inductions don’t work at first, so they spend all day here with no results, then they are sent home and told to come back the next day. Needless to say all of this information, coupled with my own experiences have been instrumental in me making the decision that I am definitely going to get my tubes tied when I have the C-section. Previous to coming here I was of the opinion that BD should ‘get the snip’, after all I surmised that’s only fair! I have been through 2 pregnancies, childbirth, breast feeding and all the rest that goes along with it..HE should go through something a little bit painful ….just to be polite if nothing else! I must be growing up ( or giving up?) as now I just think screw it, while they are in there they may aswell just do the job..then it’s done..no more babies, no more worries about taking the pill, no stress waiting for BD to work up the courage ( from what I have seen men are such wimps about it) etc.. In fact BD had already mentioned a few ‘reservations’ when I brought up the subject..his favorite quote being “ you never castrate a good bull ” ( obviously he’s never heard of sweetmeats!) ..so I am sure he will be thrilled when I tell him the news.

So how am I doing on the health front these days? Well, I came into hospital pretty healthy (or so I thought) , I took my daily prenatal tablet and my nightcap of Gaviscon, but all in all I was feeling pretty good. Now however I am on multiple medications! Thanks to the Ranitidine for excessive heartburn, a twice daily stool softener (for the constipation my new diabetic diet has given me!), steroids for the babies lungs, and my 7 chemstrips (finger pricks to test my blood sugar) a day I feel quite the patient! In fact my fingers are running out of places to prick, and I’m worried if I have a bath I will take on water!

I’m in a semi-private room (2 beds) and have had numerous ‘cell mates’ so far..ranging from a lady who got induced and went into active labor at 2am ( the husband was here the whole time with her too..cozy eh? ), a Sri-Lankan lady who talked incessantly in her sleep, to another ‘lady’ that had a bit of a flatulence problem..In fact I think my self lucky that I didn’t get the pleasure of the company of the ‘wild eyed’ looking woman that is constantly pacing the corridor at the moment muttering something about Methadone! Actually when you think about it I should be writing a bleeding ‘sit-com’ for TV about this whole pregnancy experience…either that or a documentary crew should have followed me around from day 1! I am sure that my experience could have a substantial impact on teenage pregnancy rates if they played it to girls in sex education classes in high school!

On that note I will sign off…20 days to go and counting, I am starting to get butterflies in my tummy when I think of it being so close! Thank you for all the messages of support, it really, really helps and means a lot to me..I am glad you are out there in the world reading and understanding (and may I say offering some bloody good advice too!) my thoughts.

UPDATE: new lady in room snores louder than BD…2 hours sleep last night..BD bringing ear plugs later…I may be on prozac by the time this hospital stay is over!